peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
