Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize