Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
