I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize