I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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