i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just found a bag of teeth...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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