maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
