Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
