hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
