All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
