omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
