but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
