i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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