I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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