im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
