I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
