she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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