i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
