ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
