I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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