Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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