i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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