Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i need some magic done to my vagina
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
