a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
