im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
