New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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