She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
