Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
