Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
