it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
