Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
