I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Help. Why am I so naked?
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