This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
