Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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