I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
