omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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