Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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