Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
