He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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