I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
