First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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