I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
