I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
