She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
