Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
