I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
