He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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