So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
