he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
