Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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