First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
