Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
