god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
