Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
