"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
