it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
