Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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