I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
