Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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