My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
