I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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