I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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