It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
