you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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