I just made out with a guy for $7.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
