I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
